On Feeling Alive

Fires rage inside as the body tosses, turns and jolts from many sleepless nights.  If the nights aren't sleepless, they're certainly dreamless. Lately I've had ambition to do nothing but breathe. The deeper the breath, the more awareness I have; I am aware that I am alive. I know I am alive because I'd give anything to hug my father and thank him for saving me. I am staring into the sun wondering how I missed its beauty till now. I am alive because when I think of her, my heart breaks. The only reminder left of her is the box her ring came in. It is empty with a single cushion inside waiting to protect something fragile but promising.  She could've been that cushion. What a worthless metaphor for a woman who doesn't know her role. And it seems as though I've forgotten mine as well.  I suppose that is what happens when the good meets the bad. She spoke unkind words. He spoke hardly any words not even, "sorry". I lost them both together. Since the beginning I have been wrong; I spent so much time running from myself and others just for the sake of everything. Isn't that what being young and careless is all about? I worry about the details till the worry encompasses all of me and I had to see that I do that to rid the feelings before they come pouring in. I am feeling more. The times are changing.