Getting Older Does Not Mean

I used to get out a pen and know exactly what to write; the words would flow like a quiet, beautiful stream. Sometimes that was all I had in a day to look forward to. I am no different than the next person that struggles. We are all waiting in line to finish the same race. I've been doing this for so long yet not as long as some. Who would have known that day-to-day living could take away from people as much as it does? Even through my optimism, I know it's difficult. I rationalize that statement too-- if things and/or people have left us-- they weren't ours to keep. After all, there isn't too much we can actually keep, besides ourselves. We can keep and maintain who we are and who we will become. Lately, I want to write a different story-- one that is not plagued by disappointments and misfortunes. I tell my clients, the real trouble happens when you reject your story because it is a part of who you are and all parts of you are equally as beautiful as the others. I have lived in so many places I couldn't stay and that is why I write the words I never want to say. Home-- it  didn't actually feel like a home, it was missing the warmth and protection of a home. It was just a house with windows and doors. Oddly enough, this is the longest time I ever stayed anywhere. I have a home now and I love it there but it is that inability to separate the mind from the heart which continues to be troublesome. The feeling that I can't actually stay somewhere or feel the comfort that safety and security brings. But that is my thing; that unpleasant thing that follows me throughout time. I believe it is a distraction or an escape; an escape that has been habitual and easy. The hours are full of distractions especially when we are looking for them. The problem lies in the damage that is being done to the heart due to this little escape. The heart knows the truth but the subconscious is always working, hiding, and filing the things we conveniently leave behind. The older I get, the more I've been forced to see that people have a tendency to neglect what really matters. They get so lost in life and selfishly forget how to just enjoy a day. On a regular basis, people think being angry and sad is more important than living. I sit back in the sunlight, watching, as they forget all about themselves. There are too many reasons to escape but there is nothing like truly feeling the joy every day can bring. If we could know how short our lives really are, we would find more of the happiness we are disinterested in. Getting older does not mean responsibility must weigh more than the true-ness of a smile. Growing older does not mean forgetting what it is like to live.

-HB