Sometimes I feel like I am watching my life through someone else’s eyes. Everything surrounding me often seems unfamiliar or perhaps detached from the part of myself that would recognize it. For most of my life I’ve been running towards, yet away from myself. I run towards the person I’ve dreamt of being while running away from who I once was not realizing both parts have to meet in the middle, reconcile and then go from there. These stages of growth are easier said than done. However it isn’t growth that brings difficulty it is the thoughts that stop you dead In the middle of the day—it is the glimpses and fading voices of people you once knew that cause you to think about how much time can change the scenery and how unbelievable it is that people forget moments you made them happiest. It has been a long time healing. It has been an even longer time of losing. In real life, there are no timelines, people walk on by never stopping to notice that they could’ve escaped such a transient world.
Sources say life happens once but when it happens you’ll never forget it because it will change your entire world; alter your opinions, taint your good intentions and take parts of you that you didn’t even know existed. Our reality wasn’t meant to be about the pretty things all of the time; there’s no fancy way to speak of negativity. No one is going to buy you a bouquet of flowers for realizing life isn’t always good but I thought if I created a bigger and better world, that, would lessen the chances of being consumed by anything other than what is true. A major part of growth is realizing you’re often wrong when you thought you may have been right. These sources I speak of also said the wise man only became wise once he admitted he knew nothing but what the wise man didn’t know was that he did know something and that something was specifically that he knew nothing and that, to him, meant everything…
-HB
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