A lot of time has gone by since I last blogged. It isn't that I don't have anything to say anymore because If you know me at all, you know, I always have tons to say. I suppose I started feeling as if I was saying the same things over and over. After awhile, who wants to hear the same things? I wanted to blog tonight because I have been paying even closer attention to life lately than usual. Not over-analyzing (which was my norm) just paying attention to everything that matters; the things I can control, the words I can and want to speak, the people who are at a distance but have still taught me things I needed to learn, children, family, finally being in love with someone who has shown me what true love really is, holidays and cold coffee. Let's start there, we all know I am a coffee-hog, however, once it gets cold I don't want anything to do with it. I am not willing to compromise on that either. If I didn't buy iced coffee, I don't want to drink cold coffee. It just doesn't taste the same. This wasn't meant to be a rant about cold coffee so I will end here. I've been using more "I" statements lately because I've been told that's a good thing to do. So, in addition to cold coffee; I don't like the smell of hospitals, I don't like rain on my windshield, I don't like people who say what they think everyone wants to hear, I also don't like sleeping without my socks because I feel naked (but I still do), I don't like not knowing who my father was (though there are things I know in my heart), I don't like time and how it goes so quickly. I don't like people who don't understand another person's pain, I don't like accidential paper cuts, fax machines or complex printers with directions in another language, children from 8-16 years old attempting suicide, elevator music, animal cruelty, garbage in the streets, frozen lakes and streams, and I don't like not liking all of these things but that is a part of being human.
I want to talk about what I like too; I like peanut butter and the smell of a beautiful womans hair in the morning after she's gotten ready for a hard days work. I want to talk about the family I have had the pleasure of being a part of in addition to my immediate. I find myself getting lost in many moments with them, hearing my own laughter, feeling grateful for their presence, getting used to having my own family outside of the battered love I've always known. I like that I have been open arms to all of this; open to being taught to love in a bigger, better way than I ever knew. I like these three precious girls for showing me what I've missing all along. I like almost every day for the past couple months, I find myself wondering how I ever got so lucky. I like the fact that for once I cannot think about a beginning or an ending. I can only think about now. I haven't ever been able to accomplish that. I like how I see love and relationships in different way; a more positive way. I know I needed that. I like how amazing it is when we get what we need when we least expect it sometimes even after we had given up.
I like all of these things and more; I like flavored coffee creamers, deep thoughts that don't mean anything, kisses, the laughter of children, talks with people I do not know, missing people, learning, teaching, saying "I Love You" and hearing it back, quick car rides to the nearest coffee shop with my mother, bull-shitting with my sister, squeezing my niece and nephew, U2 and all the 80's you make fun of me for, my co-workers, my classmates, the genuine nature of my favorite aunt, my tattoo artist, drives to nowhere, Francis Slocum, hiking trails and the adidas window at Champs (my guilty pleasure is that Champs window).
I am sure if I really thought about it, I could fill an entire book with my likes and dis-likes, anyone could. The point to this blog was that it is important to remember what matters in life and what doesn't. Life gets busy. Sometimes it becomes unbarable. Don't allow it to take you too far away from yourself, who you are and the people you love but if it does, take some time out, pay closer attention to yourself; your likes and dislikes. Then write them down or blog them out!
No comments:
Post a Comment