Epiphanies

The entire room began to expand in size and it was as if I had only gotten smaller. These epiphanies are mine and no one else’s, I reminded myself but she knew and he knew and all of a sudden it wasn’t my reality anymore. I remember being that girl; brown haired and pony tailed, the innocent smile, the rosy cheeks—cinnamon scented big red bubble gum, a sporty girl with every color Adidas pants and high cheek bones with eyes that screamed, “Let’s get out of here.” That was a long time ago I’ve seen only glimpses of that girl since. Back then, I was fine until I realized someone noticed me, I was alright until this world took hold of me but the truth is I am still alright out here; fatherless and carrying the weight of a careless mother. Today was the first day after ten years that I finally understood. I know exactly who I am, how I have gotten here and who I will become. After today there will be no more wonder, anger, regret or dismay. I used to write about a certain numbness (or flatness if you will). I hadn’t ever known where this lack of feeling came from. What I do know is that I went years thinking it were okay to feel nothing because feelings meant disappointment and pain so at some point in time during my childhood, I flicked the switch and shut down my senses. The curtain plummeted to the floor. The show was over but little did I know, this show, my show had barely begun. However, all curtains must rise again and whether you like it or not you must beam with joy for the fact that you’re still alive. To be alive is to be free; free from the unknown so be thankful. Find a way to be pure, clean and kind in all that you do.

You see, we are all still young even though you may think you’re old. Our childlike armor has fallen to the ground. Our imaginations can no longer protect us for now we know what really is; we can see, hear, smell, fear and run from reality but we are not young because what we see isn’t anything the young can comprehend.

If I can tell the world one thing it would be to keep the people who care for you close because you will teach them many great things. Also, keep those who were careless within getting to know you even closer because some day you shall make them aware of the flaws they claimed to have seen in you for those flaws are really a reflection of their own character and in time they will call on you.

-HB