Artist: U2
Song title: So Cruel
We crossed the line, who pushed who over?
It doesn't matter to you, it matters to me.
We're cut adrift, but still floating.
I'm only hanging on to watch you go down, my love.
I disappeared in you
You disappeared from me.
I gave you everything you ever wanted
It wasn't what you wanted.
The men who love you, you hate the most
They pass right through you like a ghost.
They look for you, but your spirit is in the air.
Baby, you're nowhere.
Oh, love, you say in love there are no rules.
Oh, love, sweet-heart, you're so cruel.
Desperation is a tender trap
It gets you every time.
You put your lips to her lips
To stop the lie.
Her skin is pale like God's only dove
Screams like an angel for your love
Then she makes you watch her from above
And you need her like a drug.
Oh, love, you say in love there are no rules.
Oh, love, sweet-heart, you're so cruel.
She wears my love like a see-through dress
Her lips say one thing, her movements something else.
Oh, love, like a screaming flower
Love dying every hour.
Ah, you don't know if it's fear or desire,
Danger the drug that takes you higher
Head of heaven, fingers in the mire
Her heart is racing you can't keep up.
The night is bleeding like a cut
Between the horses of love and lust we are trampled underfoot.
Oh, love, to stay with you I'd be a fool.
Oh, sweetheart, you're so cruel.
The process behind forgiveness has been a very tedious one indeed. "To forgive is to forget". I always heard people say this but I know now that you truly can forgive with all your heart and soul but never forget. I decided to write about this, about "her" because I think it is all a part of the process. What does it mean to forgive? Do we really feel forgiveness the way the headlines read? Does our entire world suddenly feel a sense of peace that hadn't ever been there prior? I would give almost anything to smile again when I think of her, to remember the good times because there were a lot, I'd rather not be plagued by her inadequacies or anyone else's. What is it about us people who love too hard? It seems we blame ourselves for the short comings of those we chose to love. I am still unsure if loving her was wrong, I don't think we love anyone we shouldn't. What was wrong about our love is the fact that I continuously justified my reasoning for being with her, I convinced everyone we were meant to be time and time again, now I know I was only trying to convince myself.
I want peace in my heart, for once, after a very long five years of battered love; of loving another human being until that love completely consumed my entire being, until I had no existence. I used to be excited about putting a key in a door because I knew I was finally home to see her. I took her in any way, shape or form, on any given day, I accepted her and loved her. So, yes, the truth is, you cannot help who you love and I did my share of fighting, I fought for love. My hopeless romantic veins were put to the test. I fought to belong in her heart but the space I reserved was easily replaced by the next man or woman that would give her the proper amount of attention. I hadn't known competition was a part of love, In that respect, I suppose I lost hard but when it comes to lessons learned I won more than I could ever lose. She taught me pain, happiness, loyalty, disappointment, foolishness, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness and strength. She had been significant. I needed her and our relationship to become the person I am today. However, forgiving her has been a demon of its own. I am not sure how to. I am angry with her for every single day I've hung my head low, for every tear I've cried when I could've been out living life, for every moment that slipped through my fingers due to the thought of her deceitful ways, for every bit of emptiness I've tried to withstand, for my hesistance in loving another, for taking the last of what I had left, for being so unloving, for abandoning my vulnerability, for being inconsistent, for talking more than she listened, for being disrespectful and unappreciative but most of all, I am angry at her for not having the ability to love herself enough. I am angry I will always love her and that I do not have the power to forget. Sometimes you swear the only person that can give you peace is the one person you never want to see again. I want her to set me free, I've wanted her to set me free even though I know, I am the only one that can complete such a task. I cannot wait for the day to wake without seeing her eyes of steel.
-HB
"Maybe its time to wave goodbye now
Caught a ride with the moon
I know I know you well
Better than I used to
Haze all clouded up
My mind in the daze of why
it could've never been
All the world is all I am
The black of the blackest ocean
And the tear in your hand
You don't know the power that you have
With that tear in your hand."-Tori
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