Don't Forget to...Have Peace in Your Heart

I came to visit and the waters were calm--the wind, so gentle that I could almost hear your spirit soar. The sun is shining now, the clouds are puffy and full of a heavenly softness that only show signs of peacefulness. There are no descriptions for how sneaky grief could really be. Any descriptions evolve within us and only if we are lucky, there will come a day we can make sense of them. I will always wish he was still here but between yesterday and four years ago, I found acceptance. I accept that feeling and embrace it on days like today. The feelings are infinite-- so much beauty and pain swell with them. There is not much negativity. I don't find grief to be negative at all--I find it to be necessary but understanding how loss is a part of life is an unpleasant task. I can sit here forever writing what I have come up with concerning the "why". I would love to make it easier for the next person to comprehend because people walking around on a daily basis mumbling that "loss is a part of life" is true but doesn't seem to suffice. The answer is not in a song, it is not in the bluest of all skies or the calmest waters, it is not written in a book or in bright, shiny letters of a highway billboard. The answer is in you. You grieve an answer that you can live with. I do believe people have the ability to grieve their own version of the "why" because I do it daily since he passed. We all enjoy the convenience of visual representation, one on one conversations, and being able to see a live human being before us. Once that has been taken away, we are bound by those images. We are bound by words we will never hear again. And all of this is OK because what is visible to the eye could never be as strong as what is buried in your heart. We cannot see love. Love does not have a shape of its own, we happily give it ownership and attach it to those we love but it is not an object, it is a feeling and that fact becomes tangible evidence that we can overcome the need to visualize those we have lost and get by with the love that remains in our hearts forever. -HB ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every generation blames the one before And all of their frustrations come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner to all my father held so dear I know that I'm a hostage to all his hopes and fears I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper filled with imperfect thought Stilted conversations I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it, he says it's perfect sense You just can't get agreement in this present tense We all talk a different language, talking in defense

So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past We only sacrifice the future It's the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes You sometimes see as fate It may have a new perspective on a different day And if you don't give up, and don't give in, you may just be okay

I wasn't there that morning When my Father passed away I didn't get to tell him All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit Later that same year I'm sure I heard his echo In my baby's new born tears I just wish I could have told him in the living years.